Goof Up?

I just wanted to say that I haven’t devoted as much time to my studies as i wanted to, but other than acads and related preparation other things are looking nicely in place.
GD or PI in general are looking quite crackable but I needed to study a lot to generate some serious content at that time.
Sadly my job in ITPL(means 2+ hours in travelling) hasn’t helped at all(apart from my own unique ways of wasting time).
Add to it the fact that just recently I have been assigned some work(SAR) and I am expected to complete that as quickly as possible just to get another SAR and then so on and on….there is a lot of pressure as the queue has become quite heavy now and I am considered as the guy who is responsible to make that short as m not into any other major thing.
through all this period of last 4 months(prep, CAT, wait and anxiety about result then GD/PI prep) you can imagine the kind of image that I am having in my office.
I have already taken at least 8 SL n CLs so asking for more of them is also not possible.
Anyway now I am just one week away from my first IIM interview(9th feb) so I decided
to take some serious steps in that direction by telling my manager about this and then see what he says.
Now I had another option of simply taking a leave from next week , lying about some major illness like jaundice. BUT but and but… I felt that being a professional I can not lie like this specially to such a helpful manager like I am having.
I thought that there is no harm in making things clear. I anyway don’t care much about this job(fixing a bug in 15 days, that also hardly require changing one word or at max 1 line of code change ..after that 15 processes to follow, 25 passwords to be used, and 31 queues to remember, 38 bookmarks n not to forget dos n dont’s, gimme a break when will I code? )
anyway I still admit that I have to share the major part of the blame as my CAT plans have also created some problems from time to time.

OK coming back to today, finally I got carried away by this fit of Harishchandrapanti, and told my manager about my interviews, asking him if I can be on leave for the next week. Creating these many problems for me and him –
-He knows this , so shouldn’t he pass this information to his manager(which in turn may trigger my ouster from the company..)
-Now for me the option to go on a longer leave is closed.
-Big conflict of interest, and worst thing is that my manager knows about this.
-He has to start looking out for my replacement, irrespective of the fact whether I clear it or not or join it or not.. wat will it mean for me?

As expected he was quite clear that it is my problem and as far as he is concerned the business requirements are on his priority list rather than my IIM calls( fair enough )
But yes he can accommodate for the 6 leaves that I will require to attend the interviews. but on the issue of taking the next week off to prepare for the interview he was very stern(again fair enough)
I felt like a stupid kid asking for favours that nobody on such a responsible position can entertain. n then I asked myself like wat did I wanted to get out of this?

I could have avoided it by lying, m still trying to speculate the impact this may have on my plans.
maybe it was a big goof up on my part, but if it turns out to be so .. then I will surely pack all my truthfulness in a bag n immerse it somewhere deep in Indian ocean.
After all you make your moves to gain maximum out of life, where did this truthfulness come into picture? specially when it actually didn’t help anybody at all.

But on the contrary i feel that it was correct from my side to do so, Lying to somebody who trusts you is a big burden and better to face the consequences than hiding behind such lies(a bit too brave and a bit too foolish i guess?) and i still can do whatever i want to do, except for the fact that i must be ready to face the consequences, but anyway it will be fair enough to pay the price for dreams that are yours.

Its hard time for me n maybe its time to show some real character and turn the tide back.
First part of it was that I was quite serious about study this evening and though came late from office but still managed to study a bit. maybe I need to take it in my stride and work harder towards my goals. It is important to get motivated by everything that hits you, no matter if it is good or bad.. I am happy that i have this quality.

Winners never quit and those who quits never Win.